Just watched "Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind" again on DVD last week. First caught it en-route to Sydney in 2004.
This terrific movie captures the concept of memories so well, especially memories of romantic love. Here’s something the writer, Charlie Kaufman (a writing genius I think) has to
say about it:
“I wanted to deal with someone’s IDEA of their relationship. Because you’re not seeing the relationship, you’re seeing Joel’s idea of the relationship,” Kaufman said. “I was trying to figure out what a memory feels like. I think you just assume that your memory is just sort of a video playback of your experience, but it’s nothing like that at all. It’s a complete re-fabrication of an event and a lot of it is made up, because you’re filling in spaces.”
The movie just brought back memories of my relationship with Vivian. The feelings came swelling back the past few days, even had dreams about it. I must have a few issues I have not fully thought through even though we’ve split-up and I haven’t seen her since July 2003. I mean this was 2 years ago! and I still have such strong feelings on the matter! Matter of the heart truly knows no bounds..Really must pray and seek God’s guidance on this..
The movies just makes me wonder; just because I had felt so much for her, didn’t mean that she saw me in the same light, even after having gone through so much together for 3 years.
It’s strange that this is also the first time I’ve been able to write on my thoughts about her; in the past, the anger and disappointment over her actions and betrayal remained the forefront.
Perhaps this is good; I constantly have to remind myself what Lee Pin told me some years back: forgiving is a continuous verb. Even years after, the feelings could be triggered by certain events (in this case, a movie), and you have to remind yourself that what someone did was in the past, she may not be the same person anymore..And that any hurts you have felt were real, but so was your love for her. If moving on means re-wiring the hurts and affirming what was good in the relationship, then so be it.