Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind
Just watched "Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind" again on DVD last week. First caught it en-route to Sydney in 2004.
This terrific movie captures the concept of memories so well, especially memories of romantic love. Here’s something the writer, Charlie Kaufman (a writing genius I think) has to say about it:
“I wanted to deal with someone’s IDEA of their relationship. Because you’re not seeing the relationship, you’re seeing Joel’s idea of the relationship,” Kaufman said. “I was trying to figure out what a memory feels like. I think you just assume that your memory is just sort of a video playback of your experience, but it’s nothing like that at all. It’s a complete re-fabrication of an event and a lot of it is made up, because you’re filling in spaces.”
The movie just brought back memories of my relationship with Vivian. The feelings came swelling back the past few days, even had dreams about it. I must have a few issues I have not fully thought through even though we’ve split-up and I haven’t seen her since July 2003. I mean this was 2 years ago! and I still have such strong feelings on the matter! Matter of the heart truly knows no bounds..Really must pray and seek God’s guidance on this..
The movies just makes me wonder; just because I had felt so much for her, didn’t mean that she saw me in the same light, even after having gone through so much together for 3 years.
It’s strange that this is also the first time I’ve been able to write on my thoughts about her; in the past, the anger and disappointment over her actions and betrayal remained the forefront.
Perhaps this is good; I constantly have to remind myself what Lee Pin told me some years back: forgiving is a continuous verb. Even years after, the feelings could be triggered by certain events (in this case, a movie), and you have to remind yourself that what someone did was in the past, she may not be the same person anymore..And that any hurts you have felt were real, but so was your love for her. If moving on means re-wiring the hurts and affirming what was good in the relationship, then so be it.
posted by Chee Keong @ 8:45 PM
3 Comments:
Your post brought back memories of my past relationships as well. I have been very unlucky when it comes to relationships, so I yearn for someone who can really love me more than I love hiim.
But I agree with you said. Whatever happened was in the past and the person had probably changed in the first place if he / she can do whatever he / she did. And I totally agree that the hurts and love are all real. So best thing is to just move on and don't hold on, although it is hard for someone so emotional like me.
o boy, didn't mean for you to take a trip down nostalgia lane..
What i meant about the person changing was that person may have changed for the better now, so there's no point being angry or bear any ill-feelings towards him/her.
As for moving on, it's not an easy task, but try this; in the event that you think of that person, try to direct your emotions (hurt/disappointment) towards the ACT, not the person. This relates back to what is mentioned in the earlier para about the person changing. This also builds up wisdom in recognising the same pattern of behaviour if it occurs again, and by then you'll know how to avoid/reject it.
*Whew* didn't know i'm turning into a physchologist, and a cracked one at that! :)
OK please don't take my word wholesale, if it doesn't work, forget it!
nothing helps better than to settle down and pray. :)
Plus, seek other activities to do or friends to hang out with. Always cheers me up!
you said that i look and sound like lee pin... hmm.. i agree very strongly with her too.. forgiveness is a continuous verb...! and i cant do it alone too, without God... :)
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